Today marks the official day of BEERGATE, the day when Obama will meet with Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and his arresting officer Sgt. James Crowley of the Cambridge, MA police. A historical day indeed where our president is smoothing over racial tensions and misunderstandings by having two bros sit down with him and having a beer. I think it's a great step. So it's important everything goes according to plan. Here's a few things that could torpedo this whole historic peace deal of hops and barley.
1. Someone Bogarts Another Guy's Beer
All the beer choices have been made. Obama's having a Budweiser, Sgt. Crowley a Blue Moon, and Gates either a Red Stripe or a Beck's. Three pretty diverse choices, a great opportunity for someone to say, "Can I try a sip of that? I've never tried Blue Moon." Two gardening tips stories later and all of a sudden that Blue Moon is left with only backwash. Then...crickets. "That Blue Moon tastes really good." "Yeah I bet, because you drank the whole thing!" Then a fight, then an arrest, then the cycle starts over again.
2. Things Go Great, Everyone Drunk Dials Nancy Pelosi
This is actually a pretty great scenario. Beers keep flowing, an arm wrestling contest happens, Crowley checks out Gates' iPhone apps, then Obama says "Gimme your phone!!!" But a few calls into this, you've got a CNN and Fox & Friends media blitz going on. No good.
3. Obama Has A Great Time, Bottle Taps Crowley, Beer Overflows Everywhere
Obama is a fun loving guy, but this cannot happen. If he hits Crowley's bottle top with his beer and it starts to overflow all he can do is yell "Chug fool!" Nobody likes that guy. And that guy is your president, so that makes it awkward.
4. Crowley Gets Too Sauced, Obama And Gates Have To Take His Keys Like An Episode Of 90210
"Dude, give me your keys. You can crash in Lincoln's bedroom. Dude, give me your keys. C'mon, I'm your president. Give me your keys."
5. Biden Shows Up And Finds Out He's Not Invited
Worst case scenario. Biden shows up with a pile of papers...."Hey B, I'm going through this healthcare thing and I can't seem to....Oh, hey guys...what's going on?" Then...silence. That means Barack has to schedule a Pres./Vice Pres. cigar night to make up for it.
If we avoid all these scenarios, BEERGATE will be a success!
