I've been doing Fun With Stock Photos for a while now, and it has heightened my sensitivity to stock photos in the world around me. In the subway, while reading magazines, everywhere I turn - companies and organizations are using stock photos being to convey all kinds of very important messages. I've noticed that certain types of stock photos keep popping up over and over again. Listen up advertising agencies: these 10 classic poses might be all you need.
This pose is a must for anyone creating advertising for a nursing home, scooter, or educational pamphlets on "how to talk to your aging parents" about a variety of topics. The key to success with this stock photo is that EVERYONE needs to be smiling and looking super excited about not being allowed to eat candy anymore.
Tangled Up in Phone is THE premiere way to convey the feeling of "busy" or "stress" or "workaholic." The more telephones involved the better. It is very important to make sure your actor can express subtle shades of exasperation for this pose. See also: Angry Businessman.
When I see the Girls Night Out pose, I am immediately whisked away into a world of fun, secrets, and BFFs. I am ready to receive your message about the side effects of Yaz, the technology behind your new line of tampons, how delicious Disaronno is on the rocks, and how Sex & The City is a documentary. You go, girl.
Where do you put all your money? In your pockets, of course. And how do you show the world you ran out of said money? By yanking those pockets inside-out. Classic, clean, and simple. Total befuddlement on the face is preferable.
He's gentle, he's kind, and he totally didn't realize you were eating dinner. He's the non-threatening telemarketer! He will help you sign up for a fifth mortgage on your home and sell you that Craftmatic Adjustable Bed you've always wanted. Can be interchanged with "Extremely Patient and Intelligent Customer Service Rep."
As you might recall from my previous in-depth analysis of this pose, "She's Behind Me, Isn't She" is prevalent in ads and pamphlets about tough topics involving couples. Nothing - and I mean nothing - conveys the emotional complexity of adultery better than the "She's Behind Me Isn't She" pose.
I have a rule. Never trust a financial institution that doesn't use the "I'm Rich, Bitch!" pose somewhere in its marketing materials. A smiling man leaning back at his desk with his hands confidently interlaced behind his head is the most ACCURATE way to convey financial security. When I see this man, I know in my heart that I'm going to retire early, pay for all my kids' college educations and multiple weddings, and of course buy that island I've been eyeing for a while now.
I've explored this topic before, and it still stands as one of the most important of all the stock photo poses. Part of why it's so iconic is because it can communicate so much: Pay bills while you're in bed; connect with old classmates on-line; the Oprah message boards are so much fun; live chat with bored MILFs now. The possibilities are endless.
Easy Confidence Man can convey a whole range of things, from the benefits of going to an on-line university to the importance of asking your doctor about erectile dysfunction. No matter what the topic, Easy Confidence Man should be as generic-looking as possible and possibly devoid of a soul.
Also no stranger to on-line university ads, Knowing Gaze Woman will inspire you to pursue your Associate's Degree in Paralegal Science. She'll make you wonder if you've got cancer or a baby growing inside of you. She'll also tell you all about the latest in wrinkle-reduction cream technology. The most important thing to remember about Knowing Gaze Woman: she's better than you, in every possible way.